My stomach is going all fuzzy when I think about you, and it's getting annoying, only, I don't want to stop thinking about you.

I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time.
I honestly don't know how to describe it, but I like it...

A LOT

Had work today.

Worked 6 hours.
Spent 85% of the time thinking about J and not concentrating on work.
Ugh.
Dumb brain/heart getting stuck on one topic and refusing to let it go, even for just a few hours so I could get through my shift.
Admittedly, though, it's not like I wasn't enjoying having him stuck in my mind (not in that way).

I...I...I just don't know what to say. He was in that van and I'm just...I'm so lucky he was one that walked away.
He tells me about his nightmares about it. I just hate that I can't hug him and try and make him feel better. Knowing he went through that and knowing he's still suffering from it and knowing the only thing I can do is type some words and hope it makes him feel better makes me feel like shit. Sometimes I just feel so helpless.

If you ever see this, I'm sorry for dragging up the past.
I'm just so happy you walked away from this
otherwise I would never have known you.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2008-11-21/student-dead-in-school-trip-bus-smash/214602
http://www.murrayvalleystandard.com.au/news/local/news/general/student-dies-in-devastating-school-mini-bus-accident-on-dukes-highway/1366863.aspx

I'm going to be honest. Sometimes I find myself doubting him; asking myself "Is he just pulling a very sick joke, or does he actually feel the same?"
I haven't been in a serious relationship for so long it's almost like I have to pinch myself. He'll say the kindest thing and I'll double take and think "Is he serious? Is he just leading me on?" then I remember our late nights up, chatting on FB and the things he's said and how I feel and it's like all those doubts just

dissolve
into
thin

air.

I've never felt so special in my life.

I don't want this feeling to go away.

They just keep floating around and around and around and I blame you.

You're making me feel things I have honestly never felt before

Please stay.

God, if my heart doesn't stop skipping beats, I might have a stroke.

=)
Life is good

Wow. I haven't posted in AGES
Little update:
As cool as you were, I kind of got bored of waiting around, so I moved on and fuck I'm enjoying it way more than hoping for you. Now I have someone who gets me in every way, not someone like you who did nothing. I've moved on to greener pastures.

When I have more time (and I can figure out how to say what I want to say), I'll put it up. Not sure how long it will take, though.

WATCH THIS SAPCE

I don't know how I'd live without you.
You make my days worth living and my nights worth the dreams.
Don't change. Please don't change.